MMarchand
06-27-2005, 02:17 AM
I used to have this fic on FanFiction.net but they deleted it for a ratings violation. Go figure. It's not anything bad IMHO but I set the rating to PG-13 anyways in case I'm wrong and they are right although I feel this subject matter should be talked about to kids younger than 13 so they understand what's involved.
If you are interested in more of my work check out my FF.net url and/or email me directly. http://www.FanFiction.net/~mmarchand
I have not been reposting fic I already have up on FF.net for the most part but if that's something folks here want email me to let me know and I'll consider it.
Best,
M. Marchand
--------------------------
Numb3rs Fan Fiction
Title: The First Cut 1/1
Author: M. Marchand
Email: BTN atsign ByTheNumb3rs.com
Permission to archive: No
Genre: General
Pairing/Characters: Don, Charlie, Alan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The Eppes are on vacation when Don discovers
something troubling about Charlie's past.
Warnings: SI
Spoilers: Sabotage
Acknowledgments:
Omi as always
To my closest friends... Thank you for showing me you care...
To my own siblings... I hope you know I care too...
Disclaimers:
"A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend" - Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I do not own the characters Don, Charlie, or Alan nor do I have any
rights to anything related to the TV show Numb3rs. I plead
fair use and claim only my own writing and characters.
I plead fair use and claim only my own writing and characters.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey!"
Don and his magazine were sprayed by water droplets as Charlie shook out his wet curls next to him.
"Sorry," Charlie grinned, obviously having done it on purpose.
Don tried to smack him on the knee in retaliation but Charlie quickly jumped back, accidentally knocking sand on his own beach towel, much to Don's gratification.
"Got sand all over your towel there, buddy," he chuckled.
"That's okay, it comes off really easy." Charlie picked up the towel and shook it spraying Don with grains of sand this time.
"Okay, that's it!" Don jumped up and wrestled a still wet Charlie down to the sand. In a matter of seconds Charlie was covered with sand and Don was dusting himself off casually.
"I leave for a minute and you boys are acting like school kids when I get back!" Alan's admonishing tone was one of humor and both sons grinned back at him foolishly. The family trip to Mexico had been a good idea. Alan couldn't remember ever seeing Charlie so tan and Don so well rested.
Alan handed each of them a cold bottle of water. Don put his aside but Charlie downed most of his before grabbing his board and heading back to the surf.
"He's actually really good at that," Alan said, watching his youngest son skim the shallow waters of the beach on his board.
"Dad, to Charlie skimboarding is basically a field experiment in fluid dynamics." Don joked with his father but it was good to see Charlie enjoying a sport, any sport.
Alan settled back into his beach chair, pulling his visor over his eyes hoping for a little afternoon nap.
Don, not really that interested in his magazine, had kept on watching Charlie skimboard. As each wave came in he would time his approach perfectly, only tossing his slender board on the water when it was the perfect depth and running and jumping on it so it skimmed smoothly yet quickly over the shallow waters. The thrill of skimboarding was the speed at which the rider hydroplaned over the beach and Don had to admit Charlie had pretty good speed going for someone who didn't board regularly.
Don blinked and in the time it took him to do so Charlie's board must have hit an underwater obstacle because he was sailing headfirst through the air. Don bolted up and ran; his sudden movement jarring Alan who didn't realize what had happened until he saw Don running full speed for the water and his youngest son prone amongst the receding waves.
"Charlie!" Don yelled as he approached. He crouched over his brother, who looked dazed.
"Don't try to move," he told him. Charlie merely blinked a few times and said nothing. Using his triage training, he checked Charlie for a broken neck, broken collarbone, and spinal injuries.
"I'm okay, Don," Charlie's voice sounded strong and Alan, now hovering over his sons, felt a little better. "I just got the wind knocked out of me."
"You sure?" Don's heart was still beating in his throat.
"Yeah, help me up will you?"
"Easy..." Don helped Charlie stand. "Dad, can you grab his board?"
Don walked Charlie back up the beach as Alan carried his board for him. Don helped Charlie lay down on his towel, still worried about him.
"I told you skimboarding was a dangerous sport, Charlie!" Alan complained.
"Dad, I'm fine! I just need to catch my breath a little, take a break."
Charlie closed his eyes as if to make his point and Alan went back to his chair with a huff. Don took the opportunity to give Charlie a good once over to make sure he wasn't scratched or cut anywhere. Head, arms, legs, torso... Don noticed that Charlie's sodden swim trunks had come down his hips a little bit and he could see Charlie's tan line. He hadn't realized Charlie had gotten that tan so quickly. He started to look away then noticed something odd. He looked at Charlie then looked at his father and decided not to ask about it just then.
After a while, Charlie fell asleep and Alan excused himself to go get a snack. Once his father left Don carefully reached over and folded down the waistband of Charlie's swim trunks about an inch over his left hip. What he saw there chilled him. Six small scars, all exactly the same length and width, all perfectly parallel to each other. None looked recent but they were too perfect to have been made by an unintentional injury. He folded the waistband back into place, afraid to look on the other side to see if there was a matching set there.
No longer relaxed, Don sat thinking, his mind ablaze with questions. Why? When? How could he not have known?
The rest of the afternoon passed in a haze for Don, Charlie and Alan blissfully unaware of his discovery.
*
"Earth to Donnie!" Alan waved a hand in front of his son's face trying to shake him out of his reverie.
Don shook himself and came back to the dinner table conversation. "What?"
Alan looked at him, thinking to himself that at some point today he'd missed 'relaxed Don' turning back into 'thinking too much Don'.
"What's on your mind that's so much more interesting than talking to your brother and I?"
"Nothing... Just a little zoned out, I guess. Too much sun, not enough snoozing. You guys took naps this afternoon. Maybe I should have."
Alan wasn't buying it but he let it go for now.
Dinner progressed fairly normally even though Don's attention never did fully return.
*
Once Alan decided to turn in for the night, Don asked Charlie if he wanted to stay up and have a beer with him. He'd agreed and the two men took their drinks out into the deserted courtyard where the night air was balmy and quiet.
Don wasn't sure how to begin.
"Charlie, I need to ask you something and it's not a conversation I'm crazy about having."
"What is it?"
Don paused, staring at the floor. "When did you start cutting?"
"Cutting?" Charlie asked.
Don poked him in the hip right where the six scars lay under his clothing.
"I saw."
"When?"
"Today on the beach."
Charlie nodded and stood silent for a moment.
"When did you start?" Don asked again.
"Doesn't matter, Don. I stopped doing it a long time ago."
"It matters to me."
Charlie paused to look down the beach for a moment before he spoke.
"I had a friend, another math geek. He cut himself and he said it helped. Said he couldn't explain why or how but that it did. We were kids. No one really knew about self-injury back then. He had all the classic signs but no one seemed to get what he was up to. So I tried it myself. There, are you happy now?"
"No, I am not happy. So, you tried it and decided it wasn't for you, is that it?"
"No," Charlie answered, finally looking Don in the face. "I tried it and I liked it too much."
Suddenly Don felt like he had to sit down. He pulled out a chair and Charlie sat down next to him.
"So there are more than just the six scars?" Don asked, a bit shakily.
"No, that's it," Charlie said softly, resigned that he was going to have to tell Don everything. "I did the first one and... I can't explain it. It really helped. I felt better afterwards. It just didn't last. The second time it felt just as good. But the third and the fourth... They didn't seem to help as much, so I didn't wait as long until I did it a fifth time. By the time I did the sixth line, I was thinking about it all the time. When could I get away and do it again? Was there any way I could manage it at school or did I have to wait until everyone had gone to bed at home like usual? That...that scared me. So, I broke down and told Mom. I made her promise never to tell you. I couldn't bear you looking at me like I was some kind of freak. Not like you hadn't been doing that already."
"Oh, buddy..." Don reached over and put his hand on Charlie's shoulder. "I’m so sorry."
Charlie straightened up. "It's okay. As far as growing up goes, it was a blip on the radar. I'm just stuck with the scars to remind me of it is all."
"I knew things were rough for you but I had no idea."
"Don, there's not a person alive, save me, who has any idea what growing up like me was like. Mom understood a lot but even she didn't know what went on when she wasn't around. I had a hard time. I couldn't cope. I did something stupid so I got help and I stopped. It's not something I dwell on now."
Don's expression was pained. He obviously felt badly about not knowing and Charlie didn't want that.
"Don, I don't want you to dwell on this either. Neither of us can change how we grew up but we can decide how we want to be now. I've been having a great time this trip. Okay, almost breaking my neck skimboarding wasn't a high point, but otherwise hanging with you and Dad has been a blast. Don't ruin our trip by beating yourself up over what you did or didn't do when we were growing up. We don't get to spend that much time together as a family so why don't we keep this trip about making new memories instead of agonizing over the past."
Don stared down at his beer, picking at the label with a fingernail.
Charlie sighed. "Don, do you think you're a good brother to me now?"
Not looking up, Don said, "I try."
"Yes, and that's what makes you a good brother. If you didn't care you wouldn't bother trying."
Don looked up at Charlie. "I cared back then, too. I just, I don't know, wasn't really good at showing it."
"Who is when they're kids? Things were rough for you too, Don. It doesn't take a genius to figure out having a genius kid brother hanging around your neck like a millstone wasn't a cakewalk, especially in high school." Charlie put up a hand to halt Don's protests. "Don, you may not have thought you showed me you cared when we were kids but you did. Remember, that's when you started calling me buddy."
Don had to smile at that.
"I stand by what I said earlier, Don. You're a good brother now and we should just spend this trip enjoying each other's company, okay?"
Charlie's grin was infectious and Don couldn't help but join in. "Okay."
They rose to head back into the hotel bar. Don slung his arm over Charlie's shoulder as they walked. "You know, you almost breaking your neck skimboarding wasn't a high point for me either. You scared the hell out of me, you know?"
"Oh, really?" Charlie mocked. "What do you think I went through when I realized I'd sent you to track twenty?"
They walked into the bar smiling and laughing. Just two brothers on vacation...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you to everyone who missed this fic after it disappeared.
It was nice to know it was both missed and remembered.
-M. Marchand
If you are interested in more of my work check out my FF.net url and/or email me directly. http://www.FanFiction.net/~mmarchand
I have not been reposting fic I already have up on FF.net for the most part but if that's something folks here want email me to let me know and I'll consider it.
Best,
M. Marchand
--------------------------
Numb3rs Fan Fiction
Title: The First Cut 1/1
Author: M. Marchand
Email: BTN atsign ByTheNumb3rs.com
Permission to archive: No
Genre: General
Pairing/Characters: Don, Charlie, Alan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: The Eppes are on vacation when Don discovers
something troubling about Charlie's past.
Warnings: SI
Spoilers: Sabotage
Acknowledgments:
Omi as always
To my closest friends... Thank you for showing me you care...
To my own siblings... I hope you know I care too...
Disclaimers:
"A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend" - Willow, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I do not own the characters Don, Charlie, or Alan nor do I have any
rights to anything related to the TV show Numb3rs. I plead
fair use and claim only my own writing and characters.
I plead fair use and claim only my own writing and characters.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hey!"
Don and his magazine were sprayed by water droplets as Charlie shook out his wet curls next to him.
"Sorry," Charlie grinned, obviously having done it on purpose.
Don tried to smack him on the knee in retaliation but Charlie quickly jumped back, accidentally knocking sand on his own beach towel, much to Don's gratification.
"Got sand all over your towel there, buddy," he chuckled.
"That's okay, it comes off really easy." Charlie picked up the towel and shook it spraying Don with grains of sand this time.
"Okay, that's it!" Don jumped up and wrestled a still wet Charlie down to the sand. In a matter of seconds Charlie was covered with sand and Don was dusting himself off casually.
"I leave for a minute and you boys are acting like school kids when I get back!" Alan's admonishing tone was one of humor and both sons grinned back at him foolishly. The family trip to Mexico had been a good idea. Alan couldn't remember ever seeing Charlie so tan and Don so well rested.
Alan handed each of them a cold bottle of water. Don put his aside but Charlie downed most of his before grabbing his board and heading back to the surf.
"He's actually really good at that," Alan said, watching his youngest son skim the shallow waters of the beach on his board.
"Dad, to Charlie skimboarding is basically a field experiment in fluid dynamics." Don joked with his father but it was good to see Charlie enjoying a sport, any sport.
Alan settled back into his beach chair, pulling his visor over his eyes hoping for a little afternoon nap.
Don, not really that interested in his magazine, had kept on watching Charlie skimboard. As each wave came in he would time his approach perfectly, only tossing his slender board on the water when it was the perfect depth and running and jumping on it so it skimmed smoothly yet quickly over the shallow waters. The thrill of skimboarding was the speed at which the rider hydroplaned over the beach and Don had to admit Charlie had pretty good speed going for someone who didn't board regularly.
Don blinked and in the time it took him to do so Charlie's board must have hit an underwater obstacle because he was sailing headfirst through the air. Don bolted up and ran; his sudden movement jarring Alan who didn't realize what had happened until he saw Don running full speed for the water and his youngest son prone amongst the receding waves.
"Charlie!" Don yelled as he approached. He crouched over his brother, who looked dazed.
"Don't try to move," he told him. Charlie merely blinked a few times and said nothing. Using his triage training, he checked Charlie for a broken neck, broken collarbone, and spinal injuries.
"I'm okay, Don," Charlie's voice sounded strong and Alan, now hovering over his sons, felt a little better. "I just got the wind knocked out of me."
"You sure?" Don's heart was still beating in his throat.
"Yeah, help me up will you?"
"Easy..." Don helped Charlie stand. "Dad, can you grab his board?"
Don walked Charlie back up the beach as Alan carried his board for him. Don helped Charlie lay down on his towel, still worried about him.
"I told you skimboarding was a dangerous sport, Charlie!" Alan complained.
"Dad, I'm fine! I just need to catch my breath a little, take a break."
Charlie closed his eyes as if to make his point and Alan went back to his chair with a huff. Don took the opportunity to give Charlie a good once over to make sure he wasn't scratched or cut anywhere. Head, arms, legs, torso... Don noticed that Charlie's sodden swim trunks had come down his hips a little bit and he could see Charlie's tan line. He hadn't realized Charlie had gotten that tan so quickly. He started to look away then noticed something odd. He looked at Charlie then looked at his father and decided not to ask about it just then.
After a while, Charlie fell asleep and Alan excused himself to go get a snack. Once his father left Don carefully reached over and folded down the waistband of Charlie's swim trunks about an inch over his left hip. What he saw there chilled him. Six small scars, all exactly the same length and width, all perfectly parallel to each other. None looked recent but they were too perfect to have been made by an unintentional injury. He folded the waistband back into place, afraid to look on the other side to see if there was a matching set there.
No longer relaxed, Don sat thinking, his mind ablaze with questions. Why? When? How could he not have known?
The rest of the afternoon passed in a haze for Don, Charlie and Alan blissfully unaware of his discovery.
*
"Earth to Donnie!" Alan waved a hand in front of his son's face trying to shake him out of his reverie.
Don shook himself and came back to the dinner table conversation. "What?"
Alan looked at him, thinking to himself that at some point today he'd missed 'relaxed Don' turning back into 'thinking too much Don'.
"What's on your mind that's so much more interesting than talking to your brother and I?"
"Nothing... Just a little zoned out, I guess. Too much sun, not enough snoozing. You guys took naps this afternoon. Maybe I should have."
Alan wasn't buying it but he let it go for now.
Dinner progressed fairly normally even though Don's attention never did fully return.
*
Once Alan decided to turn in for the night, Don asked Charlie if he wanted to stay up and have a beer with him. He'd agreed and the two men took their drinks out into the deserted courtyard where the night air was balmy and quiet.
Don wasn't sure how to begin.
"Charlie, I need to ask you something and it's not a conversation I'm crazy about having."
"What is it?"
Don paused, staring at the floor. "When did you start cutting?"
"Cutting?" Charlie asked.
Don poked him in the hip right where the six scars lay under his clothing.
"I saw."
"When?"
"Today on the beach."
Charlie nodded and stood silent for a moment.
"When did you start?" Don asked again.
"Doesn't matter, Don. I stopped doing it a long time ago."
"It matters to me."
Charlie paused to look down the beach for a moment before he spoke.
"I had a friend, another math geek. He cut himself and he said it helped. Said he couldn't explain why or how but that it did. We were kids. No one really knew about self-injury back then. He had all the classic signs but no one seemed to get what he was up to. So I tried it myself. There, are you happy now?"
"No, I am not happy. So, you tried it and decided it wasn't for you, is that it?"
"No," Charlie answered, finally looking Don in the face. "I tried it and I liked it too much."
Suddenly Don felt like he had to sit down. He pulled out a chair and Charlie sat down next to him.
"So there are more than just the six scars?" Don asked, a bit shakily.
"No, that's it," Charlie said softly, resigned that he was going to have to tell Don everything. "I did the first one and... I can't explain it. It really helped. I felt better afterwards. It just didn't last. The second time it felt just as good. But the third and the fourth... They didn't seem to help as much, so I didn't wait as long until I did it a fifth time. By the time I did the sixth line, I was thinking about it all the time. When could I get away and do it again? Was there any way I could manage it at school or did I have to wait until everyone had gone to bed at home like usual? That...that scared me. So, I broke down and told Mom. I made her promise never to tell you. I couldn't bear you looking at me like I was some kind of freak. Not like you hadn't been doing that already."
"Oh, buddy..." Don reached over and put his hand on Charlie's shoulder. "I’m so sorry."
Charlie straightened up. "It's okay. As far as growing up goes, it was a blip on the radar. I'm just stuck with the scars to remind me of it is all."
"I knew things were rough for you but I had no idea."
"Don, there's not a person alive, save me, who has any idea what growing up like me was like. Mom understood a lot but even she didn't know what went on when she wasn't around. I had a hard time. I couldn't cope. I did something stupid so I got help and I stopped. It's not something I dwell on now."
Don's expression was pained. He obviously felt badly about not knowing and Charlie didn't want that.
"Don, I don't want you to dwell on this either. Neither of us can change how we grew up but we can decide how we want to be now. I've been having a great time this trip. Okay, almost breaking my neck skimboarding wasn't a high point, but otherwise hanging with you and Dad has been a blast. Don't ruin our trip by beating yourself up over what you did or didn't do when we were growing up. We don't get to spend that much time together as a family so why don't we keep this trip about making new memories instead of agonizing over the past."
Don stared down at his beer, picking at the label with a fingernail.
Charlie sighed. "Don, do you think you're a good brother to me now?"
Not looking up, Don said, "I try."
"Yes, and that's what makes you a good brother. If you didn't care you wouldn't bother trying."
Don looked up at Charlie. "I cared back then, too. I just, I don't know, wasn't really good at showing it."
"Who is when they're kids? Things were rough for you too, Don. It doesn't take a genius to figure out having a genius kid brother hanging around your neck like a millstone wasn't a cakewalk, especially in high school." Charlie put up a hand to halt Don's protests. "Don, you may not have thought you showed me you cared when we were kids but you did. Remember, that's when you started calling me buddy."
Don had to smile at that.
"I stand by what I said earlier, Don. You're a good brother now and we should just spend this trip enjoying each other's company, okay?"
Charlie's grin was infectious and Don couldn't help but join in. "Okay."
They rose to head back into the hotel bar. Don slung his arm over Charlie's shoulder as they walked. "You know, you almost breaking your neck skimboarding wasn't a high point for me either. You scared the hell out of me, you know?"
"Oh, really?" Charlie mocked. "What do you think I went through when I realized I'd sent you to track twenty?"
They walked into the bar smiling and laughing. Just two brothers on vacation...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you to everyone who missed this fic after it disappeared.
It was nice to know it was both missed and remembered.
-M. Marchand